AI Artificial Insanity
by c-wolf
Summary: Set in Red Witch's Misfit Universe. Arcade and Trinity create some new havoc. The Xmen will never be the same. Let's also say that I'm just getting warmed up with chapter 2. There will be more.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own X-men Evolution or G.I.Joe. Red Witch created the unique idea of The Misfits. A.L. came out of my own head.

Low-Light walked into The Misfit manor. Also known as Asylum to Beach Head and a few others.

The usual insanity was occurring.

"Pietro! The hide-a-bed is not for making forts!"

Low-Light blinked and walked into the living room. "What the…"

A soaked Covergirl was waving her finger at a mound of pillows strategically placed on top of a couch. Then Shipwreck's head popped up from behind one.

"SHIPWRECK!"

He scatched his head. "What? The kid wanted to learn tactics." A water balloon flew up and over his head.

"PIETRO!" Lance yelled after it hit him. Then the house started shaking.

"Why do I bother asking?" Low-Light mumbled as he walked back to the front door and out of the house.

As he did, he paused at the sound of maniacal cackling coming from Trinity's room. "Now I really don't want to be here. Is that Arcade?"

Then he started to run as fast as he could away from the insanity.

Roadblock was walking up at that point. "What…"

"Don't ask! Just run for your life!"

Roadblock opened his mouth then stared when one of Trinity's windows blew out. "Why me?" He groaned as he lay flat on his back staring at the fire.

* * *

Arcade chuckled some more. Then he turned to Trinity. "Ok, I can understand now why mad scientists laugh? But why the explosion?"

Daria shrugged. "Oh, we just wanted scare Roadblock." Then she pointed at one of the monitors showing the outside. Roadblock was sprawled on the ground staring up.

"Ah. What is he looking at?"

"The fire."

Arcade blinked.

Althea was seen in the background sending a tidal wave toward the house.

"This is going to hurt isn't it?" Arcade asked. Then steel panels closed over the hole in the wall.

"Nah. We waterproofed it."

Arcade shrugged. "Ok. So, is it finished?"

"Don't call me it!" Yelled a mechanical voice.

"I'll take that as a yes."

He and Trinity grinned at each other then at their creation. "Hi. Arcade's your father, and we're your Aunts!"

The computer icon stared at them with a confused look from the big tv screen they'd hooked up. "Why are parts of my algorithm screaming to be rescued… while the others are cackling madly?"

Trinity and Arcade high-fived each other. "Now we have a way to spy on the world. Let's connect him to the internet."

"Microwave?" Arcade asked.

Trinity shrugged. "We created a self-replicating type of energy off of the device G.I.Joe worked on many years ago… but it can only be controlled by A.L."

The new artificial intelligence looked even more confused. "Is that my name?"

"Yes."

"Oh... and the energy will be used by me?"

"Yes. And if you promise not to be evil, we won't use the failsafe." Arcade spoke up.

"What's evil?" A.L. asked.

Trinity and Arcade grinned at each other. "Here. Let us show you."

A.L. blinked as several images of the X-men were shown. "What're they doing?"

"They're picking on your father, sweetie. And that's evil."

"Do I pick on them?"

"Of course. That's revenge."

Arcade groaned. "You know I was just kidding about the parent thing…"

"Oh come off it!" Brittany said. "Think of him as Cerebro's son."

Arcade blinked and grinned. "Cool."

A.L. stared for a second. "Is it normal for eyeballs to do that?"

"Only if we have coffee!"

"Hey Daria. What does this do?" Arcade asked.

"Don't press that yet!" Then Trinity sighed. "Oh well. Your son is grown up already."

"You forgot to teach him how to get on the internet didn't you." Arcade sighed.

* * *

Roadblock, Todd, and several other soaked individuals sprawled on the ground.

"Althea…"

"Yes?"

"Next time, please don't help." Roadblock moaned.

"It got the fire out didn't it?"

"OW OW!" Beach Head yelled as Scarlett chased him around. "I swear I didn't mean to land on you!"

"Well I can't kill Althea! She's too young!"

"I bet five on Scarlett!" Fred yelled as she tackled Beach Head and started pounding him.

"I'll settle for ten Aspirin." Roadblock groaned.

Todd stared in the distance at one of the jets. "Guys… Guys!"

Everyone stopped and stared. "Ok. Who decided to go joyriding?" Roadblock asked.

BOOM

"And fire the missiles… oh look, General Hawk's office is taking off. With him in it."

They listened as the screams faded away then returned as the piece of building the office was in slammed back to the ground.

"How did it take off like that anyway?" Roadblock asked.

"With Trinity around, it's anyone's bet." Shipwreck mumbled as he stumbled out of the house. "And we're not betting on when he'll recover. We're not that cruel. When he'll get drunk is another story."

As they spoke, the jet disappeared over the horizon.

Then they all turned and stared as Trinity and Arcade skipped out of the house.

"HI!" They chirped.

Roadblock groaned. "What did you do?"

"It's alive!" Arcade yelled out while cackling. Then he started dancing around madly. "Alive!"

"Oh great." Covergirl groaned. "Trinity rubbed off on him."

Lance stumbled out with a smoldering Pietro hanging onto him. "Actually he was that bad before we met G.I.Joe."

"Now you tell us."

* * *

Ace and Wild Bill were flying patrol.

"Ace. Do you copy?"

"What's up Duke?"

Duke stared for a second at the communications array. Then he pressed the button again. "Can't you sound normal for once?"

"Why?"

Duke groaned. "Never mind. Tell me, did you…"

"Hold on Duke. One of our jets just blasted past us."

"That's what I'm trying to tell you."

"What the…" Ace's confused voice came back over the system.

"What is it?" Wild Bill asked.

"Nobody's flying it!" Then Ace blinked as he heard strange thumping sounds coming over the headset. "Duke, are you pounding your head against the console again?"

"No!" Duke snarled. "I'm playing Little Drummer Boy!"

Then Duke blinked as an injured Hawk staggered in singing. "I'm so dizzy…."

Lifeline came in after him and gently led him away.

Duke sighed. "And apparently Hawk is singing the solo."

"AHHHH!"

Duke blinked. "Ace?"

Ace stared in shock at the controls as everything went haywire. "I'll have to get back with you Duke. If I survive."

Then a voice started speaking. "Hi. What does this do?"

"ACE!" Duke yelled as the screams intensified. Then Falcon ran in.

"Duke?"

"What? I'm busy."

"The radar as showing Ace, Wild Bill, and that jet doing all kinds of crazy things."

Meanwhile, two miles away and accelerating, Ace was attempting to throw up in a paper bag as the jet continued to do acrobatics.

Wild Bill just cackled as things went even more haywire.

"Aw. You're no fun. And your friend bores me." The voice spoke again.

Then the ejection seats on Ace's and Wild Bill's planes activated.

As they both floated down, they watched all three vehicles take off for parts unknown.

Duke's voice continued to yell.

Ace pushed a button to talk back. "Put a sock in it!"

Duke blinked. "What…"

"You heard me." Ace groaned. "Now if you'll excuse me. Wild Bill promised to wake me in an hour."

Duke continued to stare as snores came over the speakers.

Later on Logan, Xavier, and Angel were flying toward a meeting in D.C. when they saw three G.I.Joe planes flying toward them.

"Now what?" Logan groaned.

"Ask them." Xavier said.

"Fine." Then Logan pressed a button. "What do you want now!"

All three screamed as the X-jet started doing loop-de-loops while twisting and turning.

"My aunts said I should bug the X-men. Let's go visit the mansion!"

Xavier screamed as they took off, leaving the three G.I.Joe jets to crash into one of Senator Kelly's yachts.

"AH!" Kelly screamed as the boat caught fire around him. Then he tried to leap into the lake only to land on a vacationing biker named Big Charley who was passed out on a bass boat.

He woke up and joined Kelly in a screaming fit as pieces of the yacht started to fall on them.

They both leaned back on the steering column and the boat took off down the lake with them hanging on to each other for dear life as it bounced across a few waves.

(working on chapter two, and my mind has decided this should fit in with "A Firefly Flew In" Though obviously in the past.)


	2. Traveling Loons and Winged Buffoons

(I don't own The Three Stooges either)

"Today in the news, a flock of geese were found huddled in fright on the lawn of a local hunter. Hector Ramirez is reporting live from the scene."

"Well that's interesting." Bobby said as he, Rina, and Kurt watched Hector being chased around the yard by birds.

As they watched, a man in a flannel shirt picked the microphone up. He was slightly tipsy.

"Hello Mom?"

The scene wobbled as the cameraman chuckled. "Excuse me sir."

"Yes?"

"You're on the air. The viewers want to know about the geese."

The man blinked. "Oh." Then he weaved for a second. "Ok. Chuckey and his friends came down for a visit."

"Chuckey?"

As the man opened his mouth, an airplane jet flew overhead.

Bobby blinked. "Ok. I never knew geese could scream."

"HELP!" Ramirez yelled as he got buried in a pile of birds. Each one was trying to burrow into his shirt.

"And in other news, several owners and spectators at an outdoor dog show today were dive-bombed by a black jet that dropped beer bottles on them. Digital recorders picked up a faint voice singing Ninety-Nine bottles of beer on the dog."

Elsewhere, Xavier groaned as Logan continued to fight the controls. Warren was continuing to sing drunkenly. "Where did he get the beer…"

"I don't know. But I wish there was enough for me to get drunk." Logan snarled.

"Do you think the geese are okay?"

Logan stared at Xavier for a second. "Oh sure. They get dragged along in slipstreams every day. It's a fun past time to tumble head over heels into each other. Heck, we're used to it at the mansion."

At a semi-secluded lake, Kelly had just woken up.

Kelly groaned. "Get off me already."

"Big Charley don't want to move."

"We're not even moving!" Kelly yelled.

"If Big Charley sits still, we won't again."

They were both still huddled in the bass boat. Which was imbedded in a police boat. Two dazed officers stared down at them. They looked at each other.

"So how do we explain this?" The one called Joe asked.

The one named Frank shook his head. "Do we want to? I mean obviously the senator came here to get away with his lover."

"We could get some publicity out of it."

"True. What's the name of that reporter again?"

"Something Trilby? How do I know, I never watch her."

"Yeah. But she's good for laughs. Let's go call."

Both officers walked away. Behind them Kelly was beating Charley about the head with a hammer.

"Big Charley don't want to leave the boat. Big Charley still dizzy."

"Get off me!"

* * *

Duke turned to Arcade and Trinity. 

"Now then. WHAT POSSESSED YOU TO DO THAT!"

Daria shrugged. "We were bored."

Arcade smiled with a dazed look in his eyes. "Cerebro and I always wanted children."

"Ask a question, get an answer." Duke groaned. "Any word yet from the news media or Shield?"

"Well, I called." Dial-Tone said.

"And?"

"Nick Fury said that three fighter jets crashed onto a yacht owned by Senator Kelly."

Duke blinked. "Couldn't happen to a nicer man."

Dial-Tone grinned. "Nick also said that some geese apparently ran afoul of a black jet matching Xaviers."

Duke sighed. "The students went on a joyride again didn't they?"

"I haven't received word on that."

Duke nodded. "Keep an ear out. Meanwhile, lets go clean up the mess. Who do we have to send over to the crash site?"

"Roadblock, Shipwreck, and most of our Misfits are over there right now."

"What about our forces?"

"We're spread thin. Apparently Cobra Commander is trying to take over the world with nuclear powered toenail clippers."

Duke snorted. "Forget I asked. Tell Roadblock we need those flight recorders if he can find them."

Ace and Wild Bill staggered in.

"It's about time you got here! Are you drunk!"

* * *

Several figures appeared out of nowhere on top of the police boat pilothouse. Then they fell through it and landed on top of the officers. 

"Freddy! We were supposed to land on the boat not in it!"

"Hey Joe." A dazed voice spoke up from the pile.

"Yeah Frank?"

"Do you think we can get a vacation out of this?"

"Get your elbow out of my ear!" Lance yelled.

"Um, Lance?" Althea spoke up. "You're the only one draped on the steering wheel."

"Tell that to the coyote!"

"Do coyotes even have elbows?"

"Oh shut up Todd." Lance groaned.

"Hey Frank?"

"What?"

"Aren't these The Misfits?"

"Sounds like it."

"COOKIES!"

"Oh great. Xi's at it again."

"HELP!" Kelly screamed. "GET HIM OFF!"

Freddy just sighed as he carried Kelly and Charley over his shoulders

"Freddie, quit terrorizing Big Charley. He didn't even do anything this time!" Wanda yelled.

"Big Charley don't want to be here! Big Charley want to be safe in a war somewhere!" The burly biker yelled.

"Whose idea was it to adopt these kids again?" Roadblock groaned from underneath the armpit of Xi who was swinging around the boat with a mouth full of cookies.

"Wasn't it yours?" Shipwreck asked. "Get off me!"

"How did I wind up on top anyway?" Joe asked. "You landed on us."

"Now I remember." Roadblock groaned.

Spyder and Lina were playing with the radio.

"Hello?"

"Hi Dial-Tone!"

"What are you girls doing on the radio? Where's Roadblock?"

"Xi found some cookies."

Dial-Tone groaned. "Never mind. Any word on the black boxes?"

Freddy blinked as he dragged a screaming Big Charley and an unconscious Kelly up onto the deck. "Shipwreck?"

"What?"

Freddy pointed to something that was imbedded two inched deep into the bass boat.

Shipwreck nodded. "We found it!"

After receiving the call, Duke gathered the remaining Misfits and the two haphazard pilots in a conference room.

"Here's the situation." Duke said quietly. Then he stared long and hard at Arcade. "Your… son, took the X-jet for a joyride. According to the flight recorder, its heading toward Xavier's mansion."

Then he sighed. "Here's what we're going to do."

"Most of the Joes were on missions before this started. The Misfits with Roadblock and Shipwreck are investigating the crash and trying to clean up the mess. And the only ones we have remaining on base are Ace, Wild Bill…"

Then he glared at Trinity and Arcade.

Ace spoke up. "You forgot three other Misfits and one Joe."

Duke rubbed his forehead. "Oh why not. After the mess those three made of the experimental cannon, and the amount of stress they've caused Covergirl…"

"Don't tell me." Hawk groaned as he stumbled into the room on crutches. "Moe, Curly, and Larry are finally active Misfits."

"Yep." Ace said. "And it looks like B.A's going too."

"I told you not to tell me."

* * *

Scott and Jean blinked as they watched the jet come in on an erratic course. "They're back early." 

Ororo watched as the concealed doors opened and the jet landed inside. "Since when does Charles use the emergency exit?"

"Didn't you see how they were flying?"

"Oh yes. They got drunk again."

BOOM

All three stared as smoke started to come out of the ground. "That's not good."

Xavier and Logan stared dazedly from the corner where they'd been tossed by the crash. Warren was singing again.

"Ok. We really need to keep him away from Shipwreck." Logan snarled.

"Bye-bye, nice people. I'm off to say hi to your students!" The mechanical voice said. Then the lights in the jet shut off leaving them in complete darkness with a drunk winged mutant.

"QUIT TRYING TO MAKE ME INTO YOUR PERSONAL NEST YOU WINGED DRUNKEN BUFFOON!" Xavier yelled.

"Oh quit being so picky." Logan yelled. "At least we aren't dive-bombing outdoor dog shows anymore!"

"When I get out of here…"

"What are you going to do, scream obscenities at the computer screen?"

One of the hatches opened up. Ororo and Jean stuck their heads in. "Charles? Logan?"

"Hello Laaaady!" Warren yelled.

Xavier groaned. "Welcome to the bird coop Storm." Then he stared around for a second. "I think the head rooster has left to go create havoc."

"What?"

Scott stared in shock as the suit Trinity made for Rogue ran off down the hallway without her in it.

He shook his head. "I'm not sure I want to know." Then he felt a touch on his cheek, and passed out.

"No offense." Rogue growled. "But I need your clothes more than you do."

Then she heard a thump behind her. When she turned, she saw it was Gambit.

Rogue grinned maniacally as she stared at both Scott and Gambit. "Stare at me will you?"

Then she put on Scotts pants and shirt.

Forge turned the corner and paused. "What happened?"

"Do you have any more of that super glue?"


	3. Chapter 3

(covering a missing part, or rather something that popped into my head after chapter 2. Also, new chap will be up on Sunday. Got caught up in watching .hack/sign and had to see the end. More moving than I thought it'd be.)

Dum-Dum walked into Nick Fury's office.

"Yes?" Nick asked as he continued to look over a set of e-mails sent to him by several annoyed backers of the Bio-Pulse device.

"We have a problem."

"Which one?" Nick groaned. "Please let it be an old one."

"It's a new one."

"You don't listen to me well do you?" Nick sighed and put away the electronic pad. "What is it?"

"The experimental Sentinel facility called for help."

"They called us?"

"Yes. Someone has hacked into their whole facility… and now the Sentinels are doing the tango?"

Nick blinked. "Dum-Dum."

"Yes?"

"Get the camera. And then get me some beer. The Misfits have rubbed off on me."

When they appeared on site using the Mass Transport Device Trinity had made for Shield, Nick and Dum-Dum just stood and stared.

One of the technicians ran up. "You have to help!"

Nick shrugged. "With what? We were told we could step in and assess as well as offer advice. This is your baby."

Then he and Dum-Dum started to take pictures of everything including the hyperventilating technician.

"You were right boss."

"About what?"

"This is educational. What it's teaching I have no idea."

Around them several Sentinels were dancing the tango in multi-colored sundresses and had glued paper mache roses to their mouths.

Two people ran by covered in ink. "The copiers are revolting the copiers are revolting!"

"This is your manager speaking." A voice was heard over the intercom. "Will the person who ordered 500,000 plastic garden gnomes please come to my office and cancel the order? I don't know the password you used."

"Nick?"

"Yes Dum-Dum?"

Fury turned to where he was pointing and just stared.

Several sentinels were chasing each other around with various pieces of machinery. In the background, a jukebox was playing the Benny Hill theme song.

"Since when do they put a jukebox on a conveyor belt?"

"Maybe they spent too much money elsewhere?"

"Not the caviar!" A janitor yelled as he tackled a run-away vending machine that was leaving a trail of caviar behind it as it hobbled away, with him still yelling on top of it.

"Yep, that would explain it."

Nick stared as the robots stopped in their tracks. They were starting to spark and several missiles were coming out of their compartments.

Nick smiled serenely and slapped the catatonic technician on the back. "Well. I can see everything is in order here. I'll just go back to headquarters and do my job."

Then they both transported out leaving the technician in tears.

The missiles started firing.

People started running.

"Help! Help!"

"Not the Espresso machine! Anything but that!"

"Ok… how did the men's restroom blast off like a rocket?"

"It's ok! The missile hit Frankie the Slacker. Oh wait. He's still alive."

"Sir, Sir."

"I'm not being paid enough for this!" The manager yelled. "I'm going to work at a nursery!" Then a missile hit his desk and blew him screaming out a window.

His secretary walked up to it and held up a pair of smoking pants. "Sir, you forgot your clothes!"

A police car was driving down a secluded road near the hidden facility. Then they slammed on the breaks and stared in shock at a half-naked man with his rear on fire ran past them.

"Whose turn is it to call it in this time?"

"I guess I will. You handled the drunken idiot who thought the espresso machine was his girlfriend."

"You just had to remind me of that mental image didn't you?"

* * *

Duke rubbed his forehead as the group transported out. Then he blinked and turned toward the intercom.

"Ok." Then he clicked the intercom button. "Dial-Tone!"

"What?"

"Where is Shane Shooter?"

"Out with our forces? I thought you knew."

"What!"

"You said, and I quote, You can blow something up just not here."

"Oh. Now I remember." Duke groaned then started banging his head against the wall.

Elsewhere Cobra commander was chasing Mindbender around while trying to shoot him.

"But Cobra Commander! I sent you where you wanted them!"

"Ok Stop. This is pointless." Cobra Commander groaned.

Mindbender leaned against a wall and panted. "I agree."

Cobra Commander nodded and started counting on his fingers. "Let me get this straight. One, you sent it to the F.O.H. Right?"

"As you commanded."

"And two, you sent nuclear powered clippers right?"

"Toenail clippers."

Cobra Commander nodded. "Ok. What I can't figure out is this."

"Yes?"

"Who the heck knew that F.O.H. also stood for Federal Occupational Health!"

"Um…"

"Yes idiot. I was referring to another organization. You know, the one that attacked our warehouse in Jersey." Cobra Commander sighed. "I don't know why they'd think it had mutants in it."

"I thought we determined the Misfit Arcade was at fault?"

"We did?"

Mindbender blinked. "You said it had to be him."

"Oh right. I was a little angry about something else at the time."

Mindbender nodded.

"Now where was I. Oh yes." Then he ticked off another finger. "Number 2."

Then Cobra Commander grabbed Mindbender by the collar, picked him up, and slammed him into a desk. "I said Clippers, Clippers!"

"I know, I know."

"It's a type of ocean going vessel! You Moron!"

Meanwhile, at the Federal Occupational Health meeting.

"Well, you must admit, this is a twist." Lady Jaye grinned. "Not one of your usual cobra plots."

"I can't understand it." Mainframe said.

"What is it?" Flint asked.

"It says Nuclear powered, right?"

"Yes. That's what the plans you hacked into said."

Mainframe scratched his head. "That's the name of a cleaning chemical."

"That would explain the slippery floors…"

Several members of the F.O.H and Cobra alike ran by screaming with toenail clippers gripping various parts.

Flint twitched. "That had to hurt."

Shane leaned up against a wall. "Man… and I didn't even get to blow things up this time."

* * *

"Careful Jean." Xavier said as he was slowly lifted out of the plane. "I said careful!"

CLANK

"Professor?"

"Logan?" Charles groaned while holding his head. "Is there any beer left?"

"Ask the little birdie." Logan snarled from inside. He was trying to remove a cooing Warren from the remains of several cushions.

Charles sighed. "Just leave him. We already know the plane won't explode. And he'll get over his nesting instinct in a couple days."

"You're kidding right? Do you remember how long it took me to clean up his mess last time? You'd think that he would've retained the intelligence to use a toilet…"

"Too much information." Jean said as Logan climbed out.

He paused in thought. "You have to admit that him dropping bottles instead of the usual on top of people was an improvement."

"Storm?" Jean groaned.

"There's a bottle in my room… I'll join you."

"Ororo?" Xavier asked.

"Get your own!" They both yelled and walked out of the hanger.

"Well Ollie." Logan groaned. "This is another fine mess you've gotten us into."

"Oh shut up and roll me toward your stash." Charles snarled. "I'll replace it later."

They ignored the strange rustling sounds coming from inside the jet and continued out of the hangar.

"Charles?" Storm asked as she stumbled back in.

"Now what?"

"Is it too late to help Warren with his nest?"

Then both Xavier and Logan heard the explosions and insane laughter.

Xavier sighed. "I knew it was too good to last. Storm, we have a problem."

"You think?"

Then they all stared at two robots that appeared out of an elevator.

"This is all your fault!" The golden form yelled as it chased around a familiar squat and round robot.

"Forge?"

Storm groaned. "Forge. But I didn't think he had activated them yet…"

"Oh?"

"He said they had kinks in them."

Then they blinked as various weapons popped out of R2D2 and C3PO and the two started shooting at each other.

Storm zapped them quickly.

Xavier blinked. "Has Forge even seen the whole series?"

"No. But he did listen to Jamie."

"Ah, that would explain it."

Then all three left the room to see what else was happening.


End file.
